How To Heal From Relational Trauma
Takeaway: This article goes into the origins, symptoms and treatment options for relational trauma which is caused by consistent neglect or abuse in intimate relationships, usually in our early years. These experiences can really impact our mental health, physical health, and can inhibit us from forming healthy relationships through adulthood.
Relational trauma is different to PTSD, it’s caused by repeated trauma in close relationships and has pervasive and long lasting emotional and cognitive effects.
Key ways to heal relational trauma are trauma based therapies (CBT, DBT, EMDR), relationship therapy and self care practices like mindfulness, healthy habits and creative expression.
Healing relational trauma requires professional help, including medication for severe symptoms and ongoing support from therapists and your personal network.
What is relational trauma?
Relational trauma happens in intimate relationships, most often with caregivers during our critical developmental stages. This is also known as complex relational trauma and has a big impact on how we perceive and relate to others.
Unlike post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which is typically caused by a one time traumatic event, relational trauma is caused by chronic exposure to repeated traumas, stress, and ongoing abuse or neglect so its effects tend to be more embedded and long lasting, and can develop into complex PTSD.
To understand relational trauma we need to know its many forms and effects which can include a range of evolved behaviors, cognitive shifts and changes in emotional responses that are characteristic of complex trauma.
Causes of relational trauma
Childhood trauma leads to relational trauma and can occur from emotional neglect as well as physical abandonment. This can happen when a primary caregiver becomes suddenly unavailable due to circumstances such as death, separation through divorce, working away from home or war.
The feeling for children of being emotionally abandoned creates a void where they feel unattended and unsupported which is the essence of relational trauma. Relational trauma is also caused by continuous exposure to abuse – psychological, bodily or sexual – in intimate relationships.
Family enmeshment can also be a precursor to relational trauma. This is when family boundaries are unclear and there’s too much interdependence among family members. It can also involve parentification, when a child feels or is responsible for the parent's needs or emotions.
When this is happening, a child's emotional needs are unlikely to be met, and that can have lasting effects on a child's sense of self, relationships, and how they navigate the world through adulthood. It can also lead to relational trauma in adult relationships and traumatic relationships.
This dynamics prevents us from setting individual boundaries, making independent decisions and expressing ourselves freely, leading to traumatic experiences. These experiences manifest in our personal relationships and can cause lifelong mental harm and perpetuate cycles of damage across generations in our family.
symptoms of relational trauma
Adult relational trauma can affect many areas of our lives. Those with trauma often show symptoms of poor self esteem, loss of sense of self, depression, feelings of anxiety, indecision, irritability, anger and guilt.
They struggle with emotional dysregulation – an issue that complicates how they manage and express their emotions. This emotional struggle is disruptive to daily life, and personal relationships.
Those with relational trauma often have negative thought patterns that impede their ability to make decisions. These cognitive distortions are barriers to forming and maintaining healthy relationships. Knowing these signs is the first step to addressing them so we can start the healing process from relational trauma.
Long term effects of relational trauma
Unaddressed relational trauma can have a big impact health and can result to severe and long term effects. Complex PTSD is one of these effects that can emerge, characterized by symptoms of poor self perception, trouble regulating emotions and struggles with personal relationships and romantic relationships.
This is similar to the effects of relational trauma but also includes other issues not seen in standard PTSD. Those who have experienced past relationship traumas may have other mental health conditions like eating disorders, depression or other mood disorders, traditional PTSD and personality disorders – borderline personality disorder being one of them.
Untreated relational trauma can lead to serious concerns. These can include major depressive episodes, substance abuse and self harm. Even suicidal thoughts or actions – all of which highlight the need for professional help and ongoing support.
The persistence of these effects is why we need to seek help through interventions that are aware of each person’s traumatic history – sometimes known as ‘trauma informed’ care – to prevent emotional injury and start the healing process for complex ptsd or other psychological conditions rooted in earlier relational trauma.
ACES STUDY
To further understand the impacts of trauma, a thorough study called ACES has been providing the field with information on how our child adverse experiences impact us into adulthood. Here is what the CDC says about the study:
"It originated in a groundbreaking study conducted in 1995 by the Centers for Disease Control and the Kaiser Permanente health care organization in California. In that study, “ACEs” referred to three specific kinds of adversity children faced in the home environment—various forms of physical and emotional abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction.
The key findings of dozens of studies using the original ACEs data are:
(1) ACEs are quite common, even among a middle-class population: more than two-thirds of the population report experiencing one ACE, and nearly a quarter have experienced three or more.
(2) There is a powerful, persistent correlation between the more ACEs experienced and the greater the chance of poor outcomes later in life, including dramatically increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, obesity, depression, substance abuse, smoking, poor academic achievement, time out of work, and early death."
Not only do circumstances such as adverse childhood experiences (including relational trauma & childhood trauma) impact our mental health, we also know that adverse experiences impact our physical health, likelihood of diseases, adult relationships, and longevity. You can learn more here.
Relational Trauma and Mental Health Issues
The impact on those who have experienced relational trauma can disrupt an individual’s ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. Experiencing relational trauma in childhood can lead to challenges in adult relationships – setting boundaries, trusting others, communicating effectively and feeling safe.
Thus these struggles can lead to getting into toxic relationships. The psychological weight of this trauma often brings shame and guilt which complicates emotional responses in all situations.
Symptoms from these traumatic effects include depression, anxiety disorders and personality disorders and increases the risk for substance abuse and self harm.
Future posts will go into more detail on these issues specifically on emotional dysregulation, poor self esteem, and cognitive processing challenges.
Emotional Dysregulation
Trouble managing and expressing emotions is a hallmark of relational trauma. Those who have experienced this may have mental health issues:
Mood swings
Increased anxiety
Deep depression
Dissociation
As a result of trauma responses, people may experience increased emotional sensitivity and strong stress reactions that makes it hard for them to regulate their emotions.
Using cognitive behavioral techniques and mindfulness can help with these issues by challenging negative thought patterns and emotional regulation.
Self Esteem Issues
Trauma in relationships can damage an individual’s self esteem and create a negative view of themselves and make self understanding more complicated. This low self confidence often carries over into future relationships and creates obstacles to forming and maintaining healthy connections. They may struggle to set boundaries and that adds another layer of complexity to their relationships.
In therapy we need to foster healthy attachments and self compassion as the foundation for repairing self esteem.
Cognitive Challenges
When relational trauma occurs, it can cause cognitive challenges which can include memory and concentration difficulties. These cognitive struggles can impact daily life and development. As these can affect academic or work performance they can add to the problems the victim faces.
We need to address these cognitive challenges for full healing so therapy and other interventions are key to recovery.
There’s Hope! Healing Through Therapy
Healing from relational trauma usually requires the help of a professional through therapy. Building a safe and trusting relationship with your therapist is key to healing, a space where you can progress towards recovery.
Therapists help you understand how relational trauma has impacted your behaviors, thinking and sense of self and work with you on whatever comes up. Competent therapists will be able to help you sort through which symptoms are trauma responses stemming from childhood relational trauma from behavior, personality, etc.
Trauma Based Therapies
Therapies like trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) are key to processing and recovering from relational trauma and childhood trauma.
They provide a safe space for people to work through their trauma and make informed decisions about their treatment.
Using evidence based therapies can help clients recover from childhood trauma, traumatic events and traumatic memories. These methods also reduce the emotional pain of the trauma. They can also help prevent or reduce the chances of developing complex PTSD.
Relationship Therapy
Relationship therapy is key in the healing journey as it helps people develop more constructive behaviors and connect with others they love. Bringing in significant others into the recovery process can strengthen bonds and take new insights into other relationships. Couples therapy can be a beneficial option for those who have experienced adult relational trauma.
Both couples therapy and family therapy are key to learning skills like emotional validation, building strong connections, feeling safe in relationships and confidence in relationships.
Talk Therapy
Through talk therapy people can work through and resolve their negative emotions and lay the foundation for real recovery. CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can help identify how are thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are all related. It focuses on identifying negative or irrational thinking and focusing on reframing to helpful thinking. It is evidence based and can be used for a wide variety of mental health issues.
In addition to CBT, DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy), and ERT (exposure and response therapy) are all evidenced based talk therapy modalities.
Self Care Strategies for Recovery
Self-care strategies are key to recovering from relational trauma – mindfulness, healthy living and creative pursuits. Self-care doesn't entail indulging in spending sprees, manicures, or other glamorous activities; sometimes self-care will look like doing the dishes, taking a rest day, or crossing something off of your to-do list. Self care is taking care of yourself and your basic needs, not necessarily the over-the-top things we see all over social media.
Next sections will go into these strategies offering practical ways to cope with and overcome the effects of trauma.
Mindfulness Practices
Practicing mindfulness which includes techniques like meditation and yoga can help you regulate your emotions. These practices increase self awareness so you can handle intense feelings better. This is done by:
Grounding yourself in the present moment
Watching thoughts and feelings from a non-judgmental stance
Creating a peaceful and calm environment
Being able to think and react clearly in high stress situations
Practicing mindfulness provides a way to manage emotional responses and overall health.
Healthy Living Habits
In addition to working with a competent professional, prioritizing healthy habits are key to the recovery process to overcome relational trauma. Exercise regularly and produce endorphins which boost your mood and reduce stress.
If accessible, trauma-informed yoga is an incredible resource for those who have experienced relational trauma and are seeking to gain safety in their lives and heal from complex relational trauma.
Eating a nutrient rich diet is key to managing emotional ups and downs and overall mental and physical health as you recover from trauma or childhood relational trauma.
Arguably most importantly, creating healthy sleep habits is crucial to addressing relational trauma and healing from a traumatic event.
If you are experiencing ongoing trauma or currently experience relational trauma, it can be important to go back to these basics in caring for yourself to help reduce your chances of developing complex PTSD or other mental health conditions. It is imperative to work with a mental health professional to help curate a plan tailored to fit your needs.
Creative Expression + Coping Skills
Artistic pursuits like painting, writing and music can be powerful tools to manage negative emotions. These forms of expression give people who have experienced trauma a way to express their feelings without having to use words, to process their emotions and recover. Creative therapies can include:
Journaling
Painting or drawing
Sculpting or ceramics
Music therapy
Dance or movement
Drama or improvisation workshops
Trauma-informed
Each modality has its own benefits for expressing emotions and can be very helpful on the journey.
Trust and Intimacy
Building trust and closeness is key to healing from relational trauma. Survivors often struggle to trust others which stops them from forming deep emotional connections. Lacking in safe and trusting emotional connection in during childhood and in adult relationships can lead to mental health issues.
We will look at how to overcome trust issues, improve communication and parent after trauma.
Overcoming Trust Issues
Recovering from relational trauma requires you to regain trust in yourself and others. You need to have an open conversation about triggers and boundaries and go slow to avoid triggering memories.
Trust can be rebuilt by doing small, low risk actions over time.
Communication
Building emotional connection and trust in relationships is enhanced by good communication. You need to set and maintain strong personal boundaries as this is key to preventing damage and navigating relationships.
To overcome intimacy issues you need to create an open honest communication environment to build deep emotional connection and trust.
Parenting After Trauma
Creating a safe and consistent environment for your children is key when parenting after trauma. Survivors of trauma can benefit from therapy to learn how to manage how their past experiences impact their parenting.
Play therapy is a way for children to express their emotional turmoil when they can’t put it into words.
Medication and Mental Health Professional Help
Relational trauma symptoms may require pharmacological therapies and professional guidance. Anti-anxiety medications or antidepressants can help with depression and anxiety symptoms.
Future sections will look at when to consider medication, how to find a therapist and why ongoing support is important.
When to Medicate
When depression or anxiety disorders are impacting daily life, medication may be necessary. These conditions can stop you from doing daily activities or participating in meaningful activities.
If therapy isn’t enough to manage acute or mild depression and anxiety symptoms, medication can provide the stability to enable you to do therapy.
In some cases people may find relief from persistent symptoms like intrusive thoughts and hyper reactivity – symptoms often associated with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other mental health conditions – with antidepressants or anxiolytics. Medication can be a key part of a treatment plan by reducing the impact relational trauma has.
Finding a Therapist
Finding the right professional is key to your recovery. Your primary care doctor can recommend someone or you can search online databases to find experts in trauma related mental health. Many practitioners are qualified to do attachment based therapy – psychologists, social workers, marriage and family therapists – which is especially helpful for relational trauma.
An experienced therapist in attachment based methods should have:
Training and certification in attachment based modalities
Deep understanding of the complexity of relational trauma
Ability to create tailored interventions that address both affective and cognitive aspects of the disorder
Following WHO (World Health Organization) protocols means these mental health professionals will deliver treatment relevant to attachment related issues.
Ongoing Support
Healing from relational trauma is a long journey and requires ongoing support. Ongoing therapy provides the resources and a safe space to manage the impact of relational trauma. This means helping you to deal with new challenges, continuing to set healthier boundaries, and consolidating the skills you learned in the early stages of treatment.
Support from friends and family is key to recovery. The combined support of loved ones, stable relationships, and mental health professionals is essential to navigating the complex process of healing from relational trauma so you can heal for good.
Summary
Relational trauma from close and often formative relationships can have deep and lasting impact on mental health and relationships. Knowing the causes, signs and long term impact of relational trauma is the first step to healing. Recovery means a combination of therapy, self care and rebuilding trust and intimacy.
By getting professional help, practicing mindfulness, healthy habits and creative expression, you can recover, reduce symptoms of anxiety or depression, and build healthy adult relationships. Ongoing support from mental health professionals and loved ones is key to long term healing. Remember recovery from relational trauma is a journey that takes time, effort and kindness.
EMDR Therapy for Relational Trauma at Restorative Integrations.
At Restorative Integrations, our certified EMDR therapists are trained in attachment-focused EMDR therapy and Relational EMDR. These types of EMDR protocols are among the best to heal from attachment injuries, developmental trauma, and relationship trauma. This sets them apart from other talk therapists or therapies in the mental health field.
Additionally, they offer KAP (ketamine assisted psychotherapy) for a more expansive, self-explorative treatment. Step out of survival mode and into inner peace and genuine, healthy connections.
Reach out to us today to start!
